Originally written April 26, 2010
As people work together, live together and play together
differences will become apparent and conflicts will happen. Wishing that they would not happen or
ignoring them is not an effective strategy and in addition to delaying the
inevitable, it can oftentimes make matters worse. Handled effectively, conflicts are
opportunities to improve relationships, families, communities and beyond. Every conflict provides important information
that can be used to make the improvements necessary to create healthy and balanced
relationships. The following is a discussion of what constitutes effective
conflict management, and the communications skills and devices associated with
harmonious conflict resolution.
Managing
conflict effectively is not always easy and because human beings are complex,
diverse and constantly evolving creatures, there is always more to be learned
on the subject of conflict management and resolution. One of the first characteristics of effective
conflict is the prevention of conflict.
Prevention in this case absolutely does not mean avoidance. Conflict prevention means instead,
identifying instances of unnecessary and excessive conflict and diffusing them
before they even begin. This is
important because gratuitous, repetitive conflict leads to a general
environment of hostility which hinders collaborative communication, and the
eventual resolution of the conflict situations which do need to be addressed.
After
eliminating potentially destructive, needless or redundant conflict, the next
step in effective conflict management, perhaps the most crucial, begins –
comprehension. “The key to effective
conflict management is an understanding of both what gives rise to conflict
(what we have termed the prelude to conflict) and what occurs at the different
stages in the process of conflict—the triggering event, initiation phase,
differentiation phase, and the resolution phase” (Abigail & Cahn,
2007). This very important conceptual
understanding allows us to gain invaluable insight into conflicts’ causes,
styles, strategies, tactics, and attitudes.
If we hope to manage conflict effectively, it is imperative that we
understand the theories of how and why conflicts arise, where and when
conflicts typically occur, and the range of strategies and tactics that may be
utilized to manage conflict.
Furthermore, this knowledge and understanding must be placed in the
correct context, which requires that we learn to become aware of ourselves and
examine our own patterns of behavior within conflict situations, as well as the
patterns of others.
The
next component of effective conflict management is “skills competence” because
“managing conflict effectively also requires that we pay attention to the
process of the conflict itself (Abigail & Cahn, 2007).” To this end, in addition to understanding
communication and conflict theory, we must become competent in a variety of
basic communication skills and develop a working range and assortment of
conflict management skills. During the
prelude, triggering event, initiation, differentiation and resolution phases of
the conflict process, different communication skills are needed to properly
move the conflict forward. In order to
constructively move the process forward, we will need to employ competent
communication skills to properly identify the conflict, objectively analyze the
situation, express oneself within the conflict, comprehend the information
presented by the other party successfully, and formulate and assess possible
solutions together.
Some of
the most important communication skills needed for healthy conflict processes
are: listening; distinguishing between interests and positions; asking probing
questions to elicit interests from others; conveying cooperative expectations;
exhibiting cooperative behaviors; stating and explaining one's own needs and
expectations; differentiating among types of issues and to matching responses
to issues; analyzing the problem from the other’s perspective; checking for
perceptions without unilaterally acting on one’s own beliefs; being open to and
creating solutions; setting criteria for solutions; adapting to the style of
other disputants when appropriate; negotiating collaboratively; and forgiving
and permitting others to save face (Wilmot & Hocker, 1998).
It is
logical to expect that deficiencies in the communication skills described above
would cause a breakdown in the conflict process and prevent the ideal
progression of the conflict to achieve resolution. For example, without adequate listening
skills, it is conceivable that a person may do any of the following: not
realize that they are experiencing a prelude to a conflict; they may
misconstrue the triggering event; they may fail to initiate the necessary
conflict or misinterpret if the other party initiates; fail to understand the
information provided by the other party in the differentiation phase; and fail
to formulate appropriate resolutions due to lack of understanding. For this reason, listening may be one of the
most valuable communication skills both in and out of conflict situations.
While
putting into practice the above skills, it is also important that we utilize
certain tactics and devices which have been proven as effective ways to manage
and assist in resolving conflict. Some
key communication tactics that can help bring about harmonious conflict
resolution are: listen in order to defuse emotion and identify facts;
paraphrase and validate emotions and content; ask “how” and “what” questions
and make “I” statements; identify interests, issues and commonalities; state
needs clearly; ignore positions and negative attacks; reframe statements into
mutually solvable issues; and brainstorm to generate options (Wilmot &
Hocker, 1998). The unifying thread
between these devices is their ability to minimize destructive behavior and
communication patterns and bring the focus to the issues of the conflict rather
than the personal characteristics of those involved. This is important because when we begin to
take the conflict personally we become less able to engage in collaborative
problem solving and therefore become less likely to arrive at a mutually
beneficial resolution.
As
demonstrated, effective conflict management requires a multi-pronged approach
which includes having a thorough understanding of the conflict process and its
stages, learning and practicing competent communication skills and utilizing
constructive conflict communication tactics and devices. Conflict is not something that most of us
look forward to but with the right tools we can all contribute to our families,
schools and extended communities by exercising conscious and responsible
conflict strategies and maintaining a positive attitude in the face of
differences.
References
Abigail, R.A. & Cahn, D.D. (2007) Managing conflict
through communication. Boston: Pearson
Wilmot, W. W. & Hocker, J. L. (1998) Interpersonal
conflict, 5th ed. Boston: McGraw-Hill.
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